Moronic Monday – The People who love Morons

MONDAY  AND VALENTINES DAY?

DOUBLE WHAMMY !   Today you seriously need back up.  It’s one of the most emotional days combined with a Monday.  For a very few the Holiday will over ride the sheer shitness that is in fact a Monday for others, the Holiday will slam this Monday into the halls of fantastical give me a second bottle of wine while I cry fame.

Could fate have lined up a more perfect slap in the face than aligning these 2 dates?   Oh my dears I will try to help you here, but you will need the force  as you watch that chick in the office who is a schmuck get roses or whatever else she doesn’t deserve , and the twit be presented with a new ring even though you sit there knowing you are worth 10 fold more than that.

Unless you are the one that gets them and everyone at work will then hate you.

It’s a no win situation.

I have been on both sides of this over the massive amount of years I have stumbled around this planet as the owner of a pair of boobs.

I know you are thinking OMG I bet ThePeachy1 is just always flooded with love and adoration from those in her real life so lucky to be in her real life because OMG she is so freaking awesome that anyone around here must quiver in the shadow of her greatness.

Yes you are right. Unfortunately my dogs suck at shopping and their credit is trash.  My kids always come through with the love.  But my husband is called the droid because he for nearly 2 decades has been amazingly void of the ability to recognize that I am a needy narcissist who CRUMBLES INTO A PILE OF TEARS OR PISSED if not confirmed as worthy.

So here is a graph I made, a Rose graph using all data from my 16th birthday  regarding Valentines day gifts I have received over the years.  To let you know in realistic fashion what this day has traditionally  meant to me for decades.

I didn't marry the Droid until I was 27 so there are other relationships and single lady years included

So yeah.  Sure there was that time I got 6 dozen roses delivered to my work but that wasn’t from my husband.  That was from a guy I didn’t marry.   Or the other guy I didn’t marry that tried to give me the 2 carat diamond ring  in public on a stage.  But even though they had the gusto they didn’t have my heart.  My heart was destined to belong to the Droid.

To be fair and not look like a total bitch let me clarify things I have offered the Droid as ideas that I would LOVE for any holiday or any day that I would find more romantic than any store bought pre packaged gift

* him packing us a picnic and taking us and the kids anywhere even out in the yard to share time together and have a picnic

* him playing a song on the stereo and saying it was for me asking me to dance in our living room

* him picking out a poem for me and reading it to me

* since he drums – picking out a song funny or not and video himself drumming it for  me

* since he plays the guitar him playing me a song on the guitar for me

* him taking me for a walk on our beach

* him actually calling someplace and making a reservation that I had nothing to do with, he picks, he decides the time, the place, the day, and he picks me up like a date, since we never had one.

*him writing me a poem

*him making me a playlist of songs for us

* him being spontaneous and just taking me somewhere and being excited to be with me, no plans, and him deciding what happens.

But after all these years not one of those things ever happened.   Today is another Valentines day, so we can all make our choices on how we react to this.

It took a lot of years to figure out that I shouldn’t be  mad at him for consistently failing to meet my expectations on Anniversaries, Christmas, Birthdays, and Valentines Day.  Because our relationship is not made up of those 4 days per year but of all the others.

The days he holds me when I am sad, he lets me scream when I am angry.  He watches me dance because I am happy,  he holds my hand while we together face hard choices.  He tucks our kids in at night.  We watch proudly together as our kids achieve great things.  We worry over each other as scary things happen.  In the end, he is always there,  he is not the story book knight in shinning armor that all the little girls read about, and chances are there will never be a car in the driveway with a bow, or a honeymoon, or a surprise birthday party for me, or any of the other things that women secretly ( or loudly) want.

But most of those knights in shining armor turn out to be assholes in tin foil.  I will keep my Droid. My best friend, the love of my lilfe, my partner,  and even though you wont see me boasting of my Magnificent Holiday rewards just know that I have the privilege of  being Married to my own personal Super Man.

Happy Valentines Day Honey

I hope you all get what you really want for your Valentines day.

xo

PEACH OUT