Surely I’m not helping these People- Non Advice-Tell it Tuesday

Please be advised that I have NO expertise ( despite what the massive spam on my site that I block says). Except I remain in the top listing in google for the search term ” epic asshattedness” NOT MAKING THIS UP. Google it. (now I rank for several other horrific things including “robin willimas man junk” and “justank beaver” I am so proud- click here and see. Yes you can sit at my table during lunch, because I love you.

So if you send in your question, which you’re totally welcome to do, to beingpeachy@gmail.com, PULEEZE for the love of baby cheeses know that your advice is coming from someone who is known for “epic asshattedness”.

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Dear Peachy,  we are fed up with the school systme and lack of teachers that even care bout our kids.  my husband wants us to home school these kids. I am skared about it cause i dont do to well when i was in school.  I look on line but its all god stuff.  what should we do.  teachinmom

Teaching Mom-  uhm, ahh,  yeah.  well …  I haven’t slept in a few days, also I have horrible technical writing skills so I would never dare to dream to be a grammar Natzi.    Maybe you could consider letting the kids stay in for a bit and have a few meetings with the teachers to see if things can improve that way first. uhm.   Good Luck xo ThePeachy1

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Dearest Peaches:   Our son is 13 but very sheltered from things by us.  We have replaced his goldfish every 6 months ( or when it dies)  with a new one to keep him from the emotional trauma of his pet dying.  We have been doing this since he was 4.  The problem is 9 years of goldfish secret replacement duty is killing me.  Do you think we should just  let it die next time?
signed,  TheGoldFishMom

Gold Fish Mom- wow, yeah I did that when my kid was  4 too. But I stopped. Because I figured he should learn about grief via a goldfish, then a hamster prior to us loosing any family members.  Kids model you when you, but now he’s 13, and REALLY?  He’s never had anyone or anything he loves die?  Wow, that’s a lucky kid.  It’s also your kid, and therefore your call.  xo ThePeachy1

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Greetings Peachy1,

As you may or may not know, I have a broken ankle and have to wear a big clunky walking boot.  Do you have any ideas on how to turn this into an asset during sexy times?  It’s the left foot, if that helps you with your strategy.

Signed,

The One-Legged Opto-Mom

Dearest One Legged Opto-Mom-  NO shit. really? This is your concern when you got a jacked up leg?  OK lucky for you I break all my shit all the time.  I happen to have some – “marital aid” devices to send,  they will need to be assembled and the instructions are like from fucking IKEA or some shit,  but,  once you get the propeller on the trapeze it’s all gravy from there.   Plus I have a few gimp readers who can totally give you their advice.   Will you get this box if I just write,  “OPTO-MOM on it?  I don’t want Nadia Whatsherwhoreface  getting this stuff.  xo ThePeachy

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and there we have it, the Peachy standard, 3 emails one time a week on Tuesday.  So send yours in if you need non advice on anything.

XO

PEACH OUT

Also Miss NIkki at  MyCyberHouseRules   gave me this kick ass award and since I am Team Count rather than Jacob or Edward or Bob  I think it’s freaking awesome and rocks my socks.

Thanks Nikki I adore you too !

( visit Nikki here – http://www.mycyberhouserules.com/2011/01/new-address-new-award.html )