Please be advised that I have NO expertise ( despite what the massive spam on my site that I block says). Except I remain in the top listing in google for the search term ” epic asshattedness” NOT MAKING THIS UP. Google it. )(now I rank for several other horrific things including “robin willimas man junk” and “justank beaver” I am so proud- click here and see.
So if you send in your question, which your totally welcome to do, to beingpeachy@gmail.com, PULEEZE for the love of Spice on a Bike know that your advice is coming from someone who is known for “epic asshattedness”.
********************************************************
Dear Peachy1
I am a huge fan of your useless advice, and I desperately need some that only you can give! My landlord is trying to evict me because I had the nerve to ask her to replace the gas leaking stove she removed out of the house (its the law in this state that she has to) Well her response to this is……..evicting us and our 2 children (both under the age of 2). So after careful consideration and talking with our lawyer we have decided we will go ahead and move, we don’t have to and can fight her in court on it because we signed year lease and have done nothing to break it, but I just can’t put up with the stress any longer. My question to you is (because I know this is your area of expertise) HOW do I get back at this woman so that when she sees or hears my name she just shudders in fear?
Thanks
A loyal reader
Dear loyal reader- the most wise people in world know that it is best for your soul to simply forgive this woman and then wish her well so that you are not sinking to her level and filling yourself with anger. THANK GOODNESS YOU DIDN’T WRITE TO THEM! Ok first you are totally going to need the Mission Impossible gear. If you can’t get that, get a jet pack and a flying squirrel outfit. Hopefully you will upgrade to some fishnet stockings because seriously to me that really pulls it all together. My cutthroat shark lawyer said I can’t really tell you what to do. Sorry. So instead I will tell you a totally NON RELATED STORY. This one time, I had this FRIEND. SHE had to give her CAR ( not HOUSE) back to this CAR PLACE ( not LANDLORD) so she went and bought some squid and put it in the CARS ( not HOUSE) air conditioning vents. It was in the south and it took the CAR PLACE ( not LANDLORD) a million years of detailing and they still couldn’t get that CAR not house to stop stinking. Because no one thinks of cleaning the air vents. But like the smart people say. Don’t fill your heart with hate. xo- PEACH OUT
************************************************
Dearest Peaches,
My nerves are shot and we only have a few weeks until summer starts. I have 5 kids and soon they will all be here 24/7. My husband frowns on me drinking before 8am so do you have any suggestions?
signed,
Scared of Summer
Dear Scared of Summer- 5? OK This is definitely a threatcon orange situation. Can you get a group rate or pity discount at a summer camp or something? First just take that email you sent me straight to your Doctor and that should get you a 55 gallon bucket of meds but that wont save the dog from getting shaved or anything. Geesh. If you can’t get a good rate on summer camps to send the kids too, I would look at a summer camp to send yourself too and just leave the kids behind with the husband, I mean he was there for the conception and he doesn’t have stretch marks so just tell him it’s his turn for 9 months. xo PEACH OUT
****************************************************
Peachy
My husband and I have been married for 12 years and we are more like room mates. We are very comfortable and happy but what can I do to make him notice me again?
Wallflower Wife
Dear Wallflower Wife- Sounds like you have a good thing going, if it aint broke don’t fix it. If you just want a little spice. Pick up this little number. He should notice it. xo PEACH OUT.
**********************************************
So that’s it my juicy fruits. The rule is 3 questions every Tuesday so go ahead and send yours in. Take it easy and remember the rest of the week is just WTF? Hang in there !