Handing out Advice like Happy Pills

Wow, who would have thought we would survive yesterday?   I announced the winners and if I don’t hear from them all by Friday guess what I will draw replacement winners.  Today is the day I pass out advice like happy pills on that special floor of the hospital, that I probably could get a minimum of a weekend pass to if I was honest to any medical professional.

Please be advised that I have NO expertise ( despite what the massive spam on my site that I block says).   Except I remain in the top listing in google for the search term ” epic asshattedness”,( click here and see)

So if you send in your question, which your totally welcome to do, to beingpeachy@gmail.com, PULEEZE for the love of Christ on a Bike know that your advice is coming from someone who is known for “epic asshattedness”.

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Dear Peachy,

I am considering taking up blogging.  I like to write,  but I don’t want to write about my kids, or drinking, or poetry, or crafts,  or cooking, or my crappy marriage,  or  about anything very personal.  Plus I have no idea how to start.  I have heard it’s a great outlet to get things off your chest  but I don’t want to turn into one of these people that just post pictures of their kids or complain about their husbands or something with a stupid poem.   Plus I want to make money fast.

signed  Ready 2 Write

Dear Ready 2 Write-  I think it’s so great, that you have taken the time to wait.  To think of starting to write,  and bring your feelings to light.  But my children they are my heart, and my  husband he stinks of farts.  Before the judgment you pass,  will make you look like such an ass.  As far as making cash in a flash, and getting things off your chest,  working the archers will be best. Because the internet you see. Is a loving large community.  You see us as you want to see us… In the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But what we found out is that each one of us is a brain… and an athlete..and a basket case… a princess… …and a criminal…  XO PEACH OUT

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Dear  Peachy1

My Wife insists that I hire someone to do “the little things” around the house.   These are small mundane things I can totally do myself and I am quite capable of. It’s like she emasculates me at every turn.   I don’t think she does it to be mean but honestly it hurts my man feelings and I don’t want to seem like a baby about it.  How can I claim my domain?

King of the Castle

Dear King of the Castle-  My husband is a Genius, no joke, seriously.  But he’s like a savant.  He can do like the square root of the speed of light in a vacum but he can’t figure out where the milk is.  Yeah.   While pregnant with our third child I spent 58 days in the hospital on day 32 Mr Mensa came to the hospital as he did daily like the good man he is.  He leaned loving over the bed and said, ” honey where do we keep the towels?”.  This worried me because there were only 2 things that could have gone on for 32 days.  Either him and the 2 children at home had used the same towels for 32 days or they had not bathed.   I love my Droid dearly and would never upgrade him for a handy man.   I am sure your wife feels the same.  It is true he can’t change the oil, or build a tree fort, or patch the dry wall, or find a salt shaker, or put cap on toothpaste.  None of that matters to me.  He accepts the fact that I rarely have dinner ready, leave dishes in the sink, am loud, obnoxious, can be found in pj’s and a pony tail, and write about our family on the internet. He kisses my forehead and thinks I am cute when I  look like a troll doll, and I wouldn’t  dare let him slam his adorable thumb with a hammer when I can hire someone we can watch do stuff so he can play mafia wars.  So enjoy that your wife thinks you are far to valuable for the mundane chores, because trust me, she doesn’t want to do things like laundry.  You’re on a pedestal in the Castle baby!   XO PEACH OUT!

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Dearest IamThePeachy1

I live in CA and I was handed your business card.  First why are your business cards in CA and second WTF do they say Writer, Public Speaker and Unicorn Trainer?   Did I meet you at Mom2Mom ?  Are you coming to BlogHer and will you be Speaking?  I am dying to hear you on a panel.

Dear VanillaBeans- Congratulations,  1- I don’t know, was it folded like a little airplane those are pretty aerodynamic maybe it flew there.  2- because it has to say something and I have been known to do those things.  3-  Not sure, I didn’t bring any cards to New Orleans so if you did, you would have met me under my real name, which is  Snoibhahei9ohto  1938479387  ( use your Cap’n Crunch decoder ring, or look on facebook) 4-  Don’t know yet, depends, not depends like the adult diaper thing although if I drive I would need one of those to make me get there faster,  but if I fly I would need whatever the hell the vet gives my husbands cat, but I don’t want to pant like the cat because she does that creepy death pant thing but never dies, but I am sure they would land the plane if I were to breath like that and then everyone would throw their little empty plastic cups at me and that would suck.  So skip the cat panting meds.  I better wear a depends and drive but if a car company wants me to drive their car that would rock and I would wear a depends so I could have 2 sponsors and the car seat would be dry so DOUBLE BONUS WIN, and the car company could sell the car afterward minus Peachy pee.  wow, no wonder I have no corporate sponsors other than my IT company huh?    As far as speaking at BlogHer you can bet if I go I will indeed be speaking because it’s super hard for me to keep this trap shut.  So if I go,  see ya there, keep my card I will so sign it for you!  XO  PEACH OUT!

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So that’s it my juicy fruits.   The rule is 3  questions every Tuesday so go ahead and send yours in.   Take it easy and remember the rest of the week is just WTF?    Hang in there !

XO

PEACH OUT