Today I bring you a deep and important life altering thought provoking guest post from my online friend Kayleigh M. You can follow her on twitter @kayleigh_m_ Prepare yourselves, you may need to take notes.
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One of my twitterfriends was on a roll the other day, and she posted a comment that she thought it would be awesome to be purple all over. Specifically she thought it would be awesome to have purple boobs. Then another friend (male, this time) chimed in that he thought purple nipples were so.wrong. And I also read some story somewhere that Arnold Schwarzenegger thought that the three-boobed hooker in Total Recall was just fine the way she was, and that a fourth boob would have been overkill or something.
What does all this have to do with anything? Nothing really, except that I obviously have boobs on the brain this week. When Peachy offered to let me guest on her blog, the first thing I thought of writing about were ewoks vs. wookiees. (There is a long-standing debate on the subject amongst my twitterfriends, of which Peachy is aware, and sadly I am on the losing end of said debate). But then I thought – boobs. How do I get from ewoks to boobs? My first answer would be that our debate on these creatures tends somewhat toward conduct which sorta relates to boobs, in a roundabout way, for which I am sure PETA would instantly and loudly condemn us (assuming, of course, that either ewoks or wookiees are actually considered “animals” by PETA, which is an entirely different topic of debate). In fact, PETA might throw tiny hooded capes or yell “yub yub” at us when we appear in public, but then…I digress. My second answer would be because my twitterfriend mentioned them. And my third would be, why the hell not?
So this is what I was thinking. Boobs. And more importantly, purple boobs. With correspondingly purple nipples. Now, while the concept of having flashy purple boobs (I added the flashy part because I like my boobs to be attention getters) is to my mind killer, I have to admit that, like my male twitterfriend, the concept of having purple nipples kinda squicks me just a little. It reminds of those generic cheapo plastic baby bottles they have at the drugstore that come with nipples of all manner of garish colors (like the garishness could somehow make up for the fact that they are cheapo plastic). But after more consideration, I’m thinking that I could deal with the purple nipples because HELLO I WOULD HAVE AWESOME PURPLE BOOBS. And flashy ones at that. I mean, what is the point of having boobs if you can’t flash, um, I mean flaunt them? And what better boobs to flaunt than purple ones? For me, at least, I would go with a deep purple like Welch’s grape juice, since the color would set off my hair (red) and skin (pale), though I’m sure that those of you with less pale skin and darker hair would look lovely in lavender.
And not only would they attract mucho attention from virtually every male in the vicinity, as boobs tend to do, but they would also get attention from other women. Can’t you just see your frenemy turning green with envy at the attention your purple boobs are getting? Total win. Not that men would appreciate the color so much. In my experience, most men are kinda color-challenged. As an example, Me: honey, does this yellow look too greenish to you? Him: it looks yellow. Me: but what about the undertone? Is it greenish or orangish? Him: WTF? It’s yellowish. But I’m pretty sure they would appreciate the uniqueness and TOTAL AWESOMENESS of purple boobs. And likewise, I think the complete awesomeness of purple boobs combined with the flashy thing would also get just about any man, including my male twitterfriend, over the nipple thing too. I mean, flashy purple nipples are just a smaller version of flashy purple boobs, and men are…..men.
As to the other thing I mentioned, the three-boobed hooker? I would have to vote no. While purple boobs are fabulastic, two is probably enough. I mean, three would mess up the line of your clothes, and you might actually freak a guy out with three purple boobs (well, some men anyways). Especially if they started having Total Recall flashbacks and imagined themselves on a barren red planet populated by freakazoids. Not the effect you’re looking for. Besides, it kinda reminds me of that weird “nubbin” thing that Chandler had on Friends, and so…..ewwww. And, since “ewwww” wouldn’t be the reaction you are seeking to your boobs, I’d hafta go with the Terminator on this one and say four is definitely out.
So there you have it. Purple boobs – get ‘em, love ‘em, flaunt ‘em. But only two of them. The purple nipples are just bonus…um, points. I feel entirely better now that we have cleared up this issue of great importance. Well, sorta great importance. Not as important as ewoks vs. wookiees, but then, what is?
Kayleigh M.
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I told you. I have some seriously deep friends YO. Now don ‘t forget the Blog Birthday Contest Cause the 3 Birthday Gift Packages are Looking Pretty kicking and seriously Peachy. Look up to the top orange for the rules or click here.
Great guest post. I love anything boob related so I would say that this post was “winning” as Charlie Sheen would say.
indeed.