So as you all know my dad is like 79 and has a computer and laptop which he calls “the big slow box” and “that little confusing all in 1 thing.”
He also owns a printer an has single handedly been responsible for the death of all mature trees in the south east so he can print out all these forwarded email jokes and deliver them to friends without computers.
Luckily- I am in the group of 10000000 people he has an email address for, because if he meets you like even at a gas station or you’re his waitress at IHOP, then he will be getting your email address so he can group you in.
Actually if he wasn’t my dad I would probably block him, also, every 3rd joke is non politically correct or political or both. That means every third joke is eligible for sharing with you guys. Did I mention he averages 10-20 forwards per day? Even the ones that are REALLY OLD urban legends and if it’s dealing with safety or health he will follow it up with a phone call so I wont pump gas and get my ankles slit.
After vetting a kabillion of his forwards from this week, I have found some pure gold to share with you.
enjoy the jokes, via my Daddy’s email forwards.
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Hey Sis, you got an outfit like this to match that spotted dog of yours? If so don’t wear it over to my house.
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Criminals Best Friend
this one is too easy.
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“Oh, nothing special. I’m having Social Security sex.”
“Social Security sex?”
“Yeah, you know: I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!”
“My dear,” the shrink said, “that’s completely natural. I don’t see what the problem is.”
“The problem is,” she complained, “It wakes me up!”
“How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm?”
She glanced at him casually and replied, “You’re never home!”
The husband yells, “When you die, I’m getting you a headstone that reads: “Here Lies My Wife – COLD As Ever.”
“Yeah,” she replies, “When you die, I’m getting you a headstone reads: “Here Lies My Husband – STIFF At Last.”
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and now I must go I have 7,800 emails in outlook alone, haven’t even brought up gmail and 32 voicemails? Why the HELL have we not purchased that tropical island yet?
I love your dad. His jokes that he forwards to you are HILARIOUS.
Jesus Tapdancing Christ!! That matching dog outfit 0_o !!
Tell your daddy to keep the jokes coming!!
Thanks man I love him too, he’s pretty awesome! Glad you like them.
Ok, I know this is YOUR blog, but I’ve had a really shittay day, and I want to tell you that I am so. freakin. worn. out. that I read “he will be getting your email address so he can group you in” as “he will be getting your email address so he can grope you” and for a second I thought I was on the wrong blog. Have I mentioned I’ve had a really. bad. day?
And the Quiet Sex one made me laugh out loud – I scared the cat.
OH I am so sorry you had a shittay day, I had one yesterday and actually when I wrote group you in I nearly qualified it with ( that’s group you filthy pigs my daddy doesn’t work for TSA)… So glad you scared your cat, I kind of hate cats since mine is the devil, but I’m more glad you got a giggle. Hope tomorrow is better for you.
Thanks, Peachy! <3
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I have one friend that will forward me about 100 jokes in one day… I actually have a separate email addy JUST for her.. Thanks for sharing!