Hello fruits, it’s Wednesday and what I call, “Dry Hump Day”. That means we are forging through this week using our inner Viking. It also means it’s my free day. (meaning today is the only day I don’t have a specific category for, woo hoo !)
It’s been a while since I enlightened you with my made up, completely non founded, TOTALLY BRILLIANT SCIENTIFIC STUDIES.
The other day I didn’t change the channel after the princes’ educational TV show went off and I was too lazy to change the channel inadvertently forced to be subject to a national news show with a reporter who was a complete idiot in the 23-28 age bracket. Although she looked like a total slut a very professional young lady, she had the interviewing skills of boat paddle, young teen ager. Even though I was completely ignoring the show so I could twitter and facebook barely listening to this while multi tasking, the obvious lack of mastery of the English language ( which I am confident was her only language) and over use of “uhm” and “like” as every other word, made her sound like a serious flipping idiot, she missed public speaking in daycare,, middle school, high school, at a grocery store, in a public toilet, she may have missed a class during her higher education.
The next day I was allowed off house arrest had to go to the incompetent fuster cluck competent massive medical center. I was subjected to a multitude of idiots people of all ages and noticed some things that urged me to fall to my knees and bang my head on the arm of the chair commit hari kari with a cracked spork, stab myself in the brain with cooked macaroni, do more research and subject you to it share it with you.
So I spent 30 minutes over 53 years studying this and creating you this cool graph.
click image for a larger view in a new window. Totally worth it.
Now, uhm, I will, like, leave you to, uhm, let this soak in, like, your brain like a depends on a, uhm, senior citizen which is also the same as, like, a huggies on an, uhm, infant. Like, just saying. Next time you’re,like, in public see if, uhm, my theory is true.
So there you have it. I would love to hear the pertinent data you have, or your opinion. ( even though this is proven and well your opinion is just that.)
xo
PEACH OUT
* WARNING*- if any of this offends you, I whole heartedly apologize and hope you understand I am purely just an epic asshat, check out the winter clearance sale section of the sense of humor store at www.dontbeaprickitsajokemoron.com
AS always you have me cracking up.
So umm..like.. totally what are you trying to say??
Exsqueeze me, but I’ve seen some pretty messed up 70-year-olds at rock concerts. Like, totally.
yes … ” some” but I wasn’t really talking about alcohol. and some fits in but does not even compare to the other age ranges LOL
so like i totally resemble this chart. yeah, i’m an aging valley girl. problem is i live in dirty jerzey. i mean it, that’s so a real problem.
Patty darling, like superman is just a normal dude on Krypton by due to his geographic location he is super man. Which is totally applicable for you. Except you are a super hero every where. Feel free to visit me, if you can handle the south, YOU WANT THE SOUTH? YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE SOUTH. I eat breakfast, 20 miles from any civilization, with a thousand rednecks who would love to blow my knee cap out with a pellet gun, yet I manage to protect the universe with my mad skillz. OK not so much but in my mind, it works. Also month 6 of the pajama pledge.
Yeah, old people and kids just don’t give a shit about farting in public. Or maybe the old people do, but just don’t realize they are farting because they are too deaf to hear it. I don’t know, but I’m usually aware if something is coming out of my ass, even if I can’t hear it.
Was that TMI? No? Ok, I’ll continue. For real though…if something (even air) is coming out of your ass, don’t you know it? Certainly you would know if it turns into a shart. I always do.
Ok, TMI yet? Didn’t think so. So anyway, speaking of things coming out of your ass, I think the opposite is also true, and that you would probably be acutely aware of something going IN your ass. I remember this one time…at church camp…
Wait, wait, wait – is it considered in poor taste to discuss someone’s…ummmm, activities…with their toes without their prior consent? Probably? Well then, I’ll just leave it at that – except I will say that it was only a pinkie toe. NO BIG TOES WERE INVOLVED in this incident. Well, except for that one guy, but he was Asian, so I think it’s okay. Small feet and all.
By the way, if you want to commend me for always staying on topic, feel free….
I was captivated by this until I couldn’t get the bougger off my finger and the flicking trick didn’t work, nor did the rolling between 2 fingers to make magically disappear, then I realized I totally fit the over 40 age group.
See? I didn’t even come close to being tempted to say things such as “uhm” and “like”. It sucks getting old. Like, uhm, totally.
When I read the title, I missed the first comma & read it as Farting Oil. Then I was like wth is Peachy writing about now! Oil farts? Wth is an oil fart?? We call that a shart where I come from. Then I realized I read it wrong & all my musings were for nothing.
Coincidentally I use “like” a lot. And you love me for it.
And just the other day, I was talking to my mom, and I mentioned that someone blind copied me on an email, and she was all “Is that what BCC means??”
@opto-mom, so uhm, do you , like, have a doctor that handles your, uhm, meds, or are you, like, regulating that yourself? PS I love you
@Nikki, you make me want to touch myself, but with Brendan Fraisers hands.
What does “regulating” mean?
I wuv you toooo!