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sniff cough laugh

I am sick, I don’t really know or care what day of the week it is.  It’s hide under my blankets with kleenex and pray someone sends me matzo soup.  The only sure fire cure of EVERYTHING.

I think sniff cough laugh was the original title of Julia ( former reigning horsey mouth title had to be handed over to Miley Cyrus)  Roberts new movie..  Also I actually think that is her legal middle name.  It could be the copious amounts of nyquil I have been chugging who knows.

Sniff- There’s no way for me to write a post today. -Cough-   so I will just give you some stuff that  ends up in my email  every day until I am all better..   ( be advised that all of these funnies came to my email via my Daddy.)

*******************************************************************

The newly-married husband came home from the office to find his young wife in
floods of tears. “Darling, whatever is the matter?” he asked.
“Sweetheart,” she sobbed, “the most terrible thing has happened! I cooked
my very first Beef Bourguignon for you, and I got it out of the oven to season it,
and the phone rang. When I came back from answering the phone,” she sobbed again.
“I found that the cat had eaten it!”
“Don’t worry, darling,” said her husband.
“Don’t cry. We can get a new cat tomorrow.”

**********************************************************************

Sadie lost her husband almost four years ago and still has not gotten out
of her depression. Her daughter  is calling her and urging her to get back
into the world.
Sadie says she’d go out, but didn’t know anyone. Her daughter immediately replies
, “Mama! I have someone for you to meet.” Well, it was an immediate hit.
After dating for six weeks he asks her to join him for a weekend in the Catskills.
Their first night there she undresses as he does. There she stood nude except
for a pair of black lacy panties. He in his birthday suit. Looking at her he asks
“Why the panties?”
She replies, “My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down
there I am still in mourning.”
The following night the same scenario. She standing there with the black panties
on and he in his birthday suit; except that he has an erection on which he has a black condom.
She looks at him and asks, “What’s with this… a black condom?”
He replies, “I’m going to offer my condolences.”

************************************************************


“You shouldn’t compare yourself to others they are more screwed up than you think.”

“The people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the

less important ones never go away.”

I’m not a tease, I’m just a reminder of what you can’t have.

I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks

Good friends will help you move. REALLY good friends will help you move bodies.”

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

“Don’t underestimate the power of stupid people in large numbers”

It takes 42 muscles to frown and only four to extend my middle finger and tell you to bite me.

I dont need Your Attitude, I Have One of My Own

DON’T LOOK AT ME IN THAT TONE OF VOICE

Never fight with an ugly person,they have nothing to loose!

***************************************************

Now please somebody make me some Matzo !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sniff


PEACH OUT

Tags: coughflufunny emailsjokeskleenexlaughlaughs from my daddymatzo soupsicksneezesniff
ThePeachy1: ThePeachy1 has been trolling around the interwebz since we were all in loin cloths with Monochrome TRS 80's. Mainly proud, often befuddled, but always amazed mom of 3 awesome kids and wife to "The" techo guru. When not missing vodka, friends, or wondering why more people don't appreciate the PJ lifestyle she can be found lurking everywhere on the web.
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