It’s here again. Monday. I think of this weekly adventure as a war. I can do little to help you. But I can give you laughter for armor. So I dig up a story to show you just what a tremendous moron I am in the hopes you may get through your day with a little less stress. Today I didn’t have to dig that far.
Fasten your seat belt darlings here we go.
Last Thursday the Droid and the Price were outside gathering small yard sticks for lighting in the chimney because nothing says father son bonding like a little pyromania.
I decided to jump in the tub for a tad of R & R. I am very lucky I have a giant tub in the master bath which is good, because I have a giant rear end, my 9 year old likes to snorkel in our master tub so it works for us.
Then something happened as I was getting up and I hit my knee. I ended up balanced on my left knee with my right left bent behind me, holding myself up with only my right hand. My right knee cap felt like it was jammed up to my earlobe and straitening it or bending it was just out of the question.
Remember the Droid and Prince are outside part? yeah. So the dogs came in to answer my screams. Yes I even screamed, ” Lassi go get help “.
No one came.
The water drained away, I got cold. The left knee got very tired. ( Whose bright idea was it to put little bumps in the bottom of the tub to dig into my 1 remaining knee cap?) The right hand got very tired. Tears and snot from the pain of my knee ran freely down my face and I pictured what my CSI would look like. You know when someone did eventually find my dead body how would it look.
this is at least dignified
But mine wouldn’t look like that mine would look like this.
my csi chalk outline looks like a pile of dirty cloths instead of a body
Investigator- So officer 1- are we investigating an Elephant that shit in a bathtub or a dirty pile of clothes?
Officer 1- No sir it’s an injured walrus it was just kind of hunched up on 1 knee and 1 flipper.
It was this, that gave me the strength to survive scream louder. The men folk came running and assisted my wet injured walrus self out of the tub and brought the “Peachy First Aid Kit” which includes these-
always on hand here in Peachyland
My knee made so many snap crackle and pops over the next 24 hours it got a voice over job at Rice Crispies. But by mid Sunday I was off the crutch. which was good because I had a scheduled deep tissue grease burn for my right hand during a doughnut making session and that just is not conducive with crutch use. ( or crotch use, or actually any kind of use)
So there ya have it folks, if you don’t completely end up wet, naked, cold and screaming at a dog for help in a shape that if you were to die would be confused as a pile of dirty clothes or elephant poo only to survive and burn the crap out of your hand a couple days later, than chances are your Monday might turn out a little better than mine. Hang in there folks. Battle hard, battle strong, Punch Monday in the junk for me.
Sorry you got hurt, but that story left me in stitches from laughing.
Well then darling, you just 1 uped me. I didn’t get any stitches.
I’m just impressed that after such a traumatizing experience, you’d still be up for making donuts. Impressive. I would have spent the weekend on the couch making Winston fetch for me.
Im sorry… I laughed. I really did.. but not at you.. with you. Yeah, because I have these kind of accidents all the time. Its a gift… and a curse.
@Rachel- good to see you girl.. Winston is a good guy, Loki and Mei would have abandoned me the puppy actually came in and chewed on my fingers that were hanging over the tub. NO Lassi here my friends
@ Holly- yeah it was pretty sexy and by sexy I mean snot /tear mix covered naked shivery screaming HELP Oh my gawd it hurts I am dying! sexy sexy.
OMG. I love my tub and I have bad knees, so I am half expecting to end up in that situation too, only I have a cat and not a dog. Hope you are feeling better!
Tawnya, I didn’t have bad knees prior to this, but I have been offered a pro/am status at bone breakery. ( like that? new word just like that KAPOW !) yeah I can break a bone like nobodies business. Weird thing is I barely tapped it and it moved way into a not cool place that you should not have a knee. But now 3 days later it’s back where it should be, and oddly enough barely hurts at all compared to other things unless I pivot my foot or rotate my knee. The hand, looks gnarley, but it’s just numb so I am really grateful for the numb factor versus the HOLY CRAP DUDE YOUR COOKING feeling I had the first 3 hours. As you have figured out I live in such a divine state of gracefulness that things like this are more the norm than the exception therefore I keep much supplies and equipment on hand.
Wow. That was a close one. I’m exhausted just reading about it. Glad you survived. Too bad the real Lassie wasn’t there to help.
yet you managed to spell Lassie properly.. crap. now I feel worse. can I blame the hand wound? the knee wound? the thyroid? play the brain damage card? shit, I suck.. damn Lassie.. ok Lassie.
girl, i have this bubble here just for you.
I think I need it. LOL. I swear.. Not sure which voodoo hex curse gris gris I got on me but I need a chicken foot an old priest and a young priest to lift this mess.