So I have like 30 posts just begging to be written like the quarterback begging for a happy ending at Prom. But alas, I am already wordy ( as you know), and seriously none of the topics flow. Wednesday is my only ” Free Flowing” blog day, where it doesn’t have a theme or category attached so I want to squeeze them all in. But like you and unlike the quarterback at prom I will have to wait for the other 29. Here’s the one I picked for today.
It’s a Peachy to English Dictionary of sorts. Words terms and phrases I invented or that were invented by myself or my daughter or my daddy. Or at least I thought they were, I would have to google each one to see if they are already real words. You guys know if it shows up in google it’s a real word. If you didn’t you do now, and I say so because I totally helped Al Gore invent the internet while Bill was having a “cigar” in the next room. ( yes they were loud). ( most part of what I just said is a lie, but I am not telling you which part.)
-TERMS-
Epic Asshattednes- Ok so I didn’t invent this even though I had thought I did, but I do rank third and fourth in it on google for a few months so I might has well have invented it.
Muffin Man– I know you all heard it when you were kids but it did not mean what I mean by it, therefore even though I didn’t event the term I invented this definition and if you don’t know what I am talking about that sucks for you here is a link to that information. You’re Welcome invoice is in the mail.
WereDroid – this is all my daughter, I call my husband the droid because he is very smart, and yet amazingly void of most human emotions and social interaction skills. He is hairy and so she calls him the WereDroid. The perfect combo of a hairy werewolf and a droid.
AssFaceShitard – although you may have heard of both parts of this term unless used properly and in combo like this well then you haven’t met one of these. I totally invented it.
Ambidextraphibion – A person who can go left or right while in the shower or bathtub.
Hippopotwatamus – this is when a female ( usually) is such a huge twat that you are left speechless and or so full of angry you kick teddybear hamsters like hacky sacks.
Tyrannosaurusbitch– this is exactly what it sounds like. A gianormus fossil bitch. Again with the daughter it was invented the same day I invented the Hippotwatamus during our brainstorm of new names to call people. Yeah we are that cool.
HerpaGunaSyphillCraibs – the daughter again. Explaining to her younger brother what he would catch if he bonked the little scuzzbucket he was dating. ( I am paraphrasing to clean it up a bit.) Break it down and figure out how many VD’s oh I am so sorry young people STD’s are in that word. Pure Genius.
BOB – sure you think it’s some guy that works as a greeter at walmart, but everytime I see the name Bob on someones shirt I bust out laughing. Why you ask. Because my friend KM invented it about 13 years ago. Not only is it a palindrome but more importantly it’s a acronym . Wait for it.. Battery Operated Buddy. You will never see any Bob in the same light.
StudleyDooRight– A hot sexy guy with manners and chivalry and all that “help the damsel in distress” stuff. Could be a helpful Muffin Man with morals.
DingesKhan – This is a usually a male who is such a freaking huge moron that he gets named after history that he probably doesn’t know but with a sprinkling of Dingus in there.
ClosetBabe– this is a guy or girl ( I am not judgmental about your preference) is so cute/hot/smexy/adorable/smokin that you want to take them home and chain them in your closet. Like your favorite pair of Pj’s they are right there waiting happily for you when you want them. Be careful not to confuse Muffin Men with ClosetBabes, totally different. You want the muffin man to leave, you want to chain and lick the cloestbabe. However a cloestbabe could turn into a muffin man.
PHRASES
The IQ of a _________ ( below are the common things I fill in the blank with I am sure all some, at least 1 )
Carrot, Blade of Grass, Frog shit on a log, Popsicle stick in a toilet, hamster wheel, soggy toilet paper roll, used tampon, bowl of unset jello, fetus.
The personality of a _________ ( below are the common things I fill in the blank with I am sure all some, at least 1 )
toilet tank, litter box, hippo shit, enema, piece of carbon paper, someone I would stab with a rusty spoon, poached egg, stinky sock.
That person is such a ____________( below are the common things I fill in the blank with I am sure all some, at least 1 )
lyinflatfootedguttersnake, smacktastic wench, AppleII, DickHeadimusMaximus, snorkelneedingpitypoolswimmer, rectumblister, cracketysmacketyhobag, oralfacialpedomite,
and that’s all for now. I hope this assists in your daily attempt to expand your lexicon. I have a plethora more that I may share at a later date. ( No I am not possessed, yes I know that sounded smart, I actually love language and communication, even if I often post in dialect on this here bloggy thing. )
PEACHOUT
**Disclaimer**- dozens of fingers, 100’s of people, and my last 2 brain cells were injured during the making of this post.