I awoke from my precious sleep to the blaring of the weather radio. If you could combine the screeching of 10 million owls, with 3ooo trick or treaters, and throw it in a blender then take it up to about a kazillion decibels well that is what I awoke to. Of course when a noise like this wakes you up from a dead sleep your body is merely responding to the g force involved that takes you from peaceful slumber to full blown panic. Here is a step by step of what will happen. ( probably, cause it did to me)
You will jolt up so fast and try to run to whatever is making the noise. If your lucky it will be placed in what you thought was a good central location of your house not near your bed. This will allow for your still sleeping body to try to navigate around and obstacle course / rat maze thus adding the pain of slamming your ankle into a door and your shoulder into the door jam .
With the mix of pain and adrenaline you are now experiencing you body is waking up, however you will notice as you are so close to the LOUD object you have forgotten your glasses as you sprung into action. Thus causing you to back track allowing for the same injuries but on the other side of your body.
You don’t swear or curse, because your not sure what the emergency is since you can’t see the dumb thing and you might be about to die and who wants to get to heaven or hell and explain why your last words were so nasty.
You make it back with 2 bum ankles and banged up shoulders with the glasses on. You see it’s flooding and there is a tornado warning.
To confirm the above news you go to put the dogs out, they look at you like your on crack, clearly they are not going out in this weather did you not hear the alarm. Yes dogs but until you learn to lift the seat and flush, this is your toilet, flooded or not. They win I lose.
The next series of things all went thru my brain in a matter of less than 2 minutes :
-build an ark. I have 2 dogs, but 1 is fixed, what was I thinking how am I going to make more dogs when 1 is fixed, I am so stupid.
-I should put on makeup, because if they find my body in the rubble I should probably look better.
-good thing the Prince is already sleeping downstairs or I would have to go get him.
– wait, how in the hell did he and the droid sleep thru that SCREAMING weather machine alarm thingy?
-are they alive maybe I should check.
-I don’t think these pj’s are ok for the rescue workers to see I should change.
– I could really use some Mt dew and or vodka and or a pound cake.
– why was I dreaming about picking spoons up off the floor from underneath my old high school friends knees? I should google what that dream means.
-I should seriously try to dream more about Brendan Fraser cause he is totally into me.
– yeah they are alive, ok, not fair they are still sleeping we should like be huddled in a closet or hallway like we had to do in school. GET UP, I just saved your lives. Thank me later.
– when I built this house why is the only interior room without windows also the tiniest and a guest bath?
– would I rather get blown to oz or actully hang out in the 1/2 bath?
– no way. I have to mop and bleach this stuff…. I can not be in this room, it’s a friggin bathroom, and EEEEEWWWW…
Then I didn’t think anymore I just bleached and mopped my 1/2 bath. ceiling to floor, because I don’t want to be all huddled up in a gross bathroom all day.
Thank you mother nature for making me clean my 1/2 bath. I thank you because you didn’t send zombies, clearly I would have been an easy target for them.
