21 years

21 years ago today I was laying  in a hospital bed terrified, horrified, unsure of what was about to happen.  I knew my life would change everyone said it would but I had no idea to what extent they meant. It already had. I stopped drinking, smoking, and going out. I started sleeping more and eating right and I had a 52 inch waist. I wore clothes that had big fat bows on them in the neck area ( supposedly in the 80’s to distract from the 52 inch waist).   Little did I know, the day your life started my life would also start.  As you drew your first breath. I drew mine and was forever changed.

Samantha on her first Easter 21 years ago

Your 21 today, so technically you should be out partying or celebrating or whatever cool and fun stuff 21 year olds do. However your sitting in your class at your University taking finals, then your moving your crap out of your dorms, all of which you pay for on your own. Why?  Because you got the raw end of the deal honey.

See being my first child you were like the first piece of pie, my starter kid.  I was all new at this mom thing for every single thing you did, from walking and talking to driving and college. So I didn’t get it right. Not even close I guessed my way thru and honestly despite all my many many failures your still here and thriving.  You are strong. Does this mean I am getting it right now that I have 21 well seasoned years under my belt. That would be a big fat NO.  But obviously your little brother has an easier road, why?  You plowed the road.  You let me know what would and would not be the utter downfall of my parenting and therapy inducing actions, or would cause immediate demise of the child in question.  If ever you thought I was guiding you on this journey, just know you were guiding me just as much.  Every day was an adventure in which you taught me more about life and myself.  I don’t know if there will ever be a proper way I can put into words how much I appreciate you, how deeply I feel the need to thank you, and how sincerely I want to apologize to you.  For not being a perfect mom, for not even being close.  For loosing my cool and my mind, too many times to mention.  For putting too much pressure on you to make me feel like a good parent. For forgetting some important date. For embarrassing you at some vital social formative moment in your life. Or for saying something that no matter how benign I thought it was that may have hurt you.   Do you rock?  Why yes you do, in fact you rock so hard that Areosmith called and they want you to give them some tips for their next tour. ( yes they are still touring)  Are you smart, why yes you are, so smart that Einstein called and said he needed help with some stuff.  ( Impressive since he’s dead right? ) Are you witty, so much that you make me snort mt dew out my nose every time we talk.  ( causing me to keep buying new keyboards. )  Are you beautiful, so much that I get teary eyed looking at you.  ( ruining endless pairs of contacts).  Are you fantastic yep, so fantastic that the roses stop to smell you. ( they tweeted how flipping fantastic you are ! )  So even though you are the one that pointed out I have some white hair highlights, I need you to know one thing beyond any shadow of doubt. You are superb. You are my Samantha, a remarkable strong, woman, I am proud to know. Who managed to survive my parenting, to become this amazing person I hope to be like when I grow up.   Thank you darling for the best 21 years of my life.  Happy Birthday my love.

21 years of Love and laughter. I thank you.