Back To School Funny Friday

Ok so even though my little prince is rounding out his 3rd week in 4th grade and my daughter finishes her bachelors this year.I am a tad bit stabby about the entire  supply list/homework issue.  Selling organs and  dog hair on ebay has not worked out well enough for me to cover even part of their expenses.

I realize some of you are hearing the choir of angels as your short ones return to the educational system. Allowing you to cut  back on your “happy pills”. ( while the teachers dosage goes up)

To help decrease the ” I hate your guts” factor and possibly lessen the chances of them getting to sit all alone at a table for every lunch the rest of their lives and put kittens in a sack, I have come up with a list of DON’TS.  I love you that much.

Step 1-  Appearance is EVERYTHING.

That entire beauty is only skin deep is total bullshit, I mean what’s on the inside counts on the computer and  it counts eventually but don’t think for 1 second that your looks do not play a part in how you get along. Don’t let your child no matter how brilliant or stylish go unmonitored by your parental common sense. Do NOT let your 7 year old daughter dress like a hooker. You’re asking for major issues.  Do not let your teenagers run wild with your credit card.  You don’t really want the yearbook pictures to look like this do you?

Step 2- Shop Smart

When purchasing school supplies, remember your child will be around other children.  Not within the safe protective environment you provide. Somethings just automatically put your child on the sit alone at lunch list and might as well just say KICK ME IN THE FACE.   Skip these.

loving Cher and Beefcakes is barely ok at home, but at school it just says, "throw raw meat at me"

Step 3-  Your presence.

Please remember the other kids will see you during school visits, drop offs and pick ups.  Please do NOT make these kind of images associated to your child unless that college fund you started when they were babies can be transfered into a Therapy fund.

OMG Daddy please go away, easy to spot the Grands in the car line

Luckily I live in a very rural area ( and by rural I mean armpit of the universe).  So we don’t put up with things like this. Which scares me beyond belief because I never sent my kids to a SHCOOL.

Mostly because all of our roads aren't all paved and the paint we do have is used on the water tower. Apparently Jimmy Bob loves Janie Sue.

Clues something might be wrong

But I will tell you that no matter how lazy you are, you may need to consider the car rider option or change of class request.  I know that totally messes with sleeping in and afternoon nap times but if the school bus looks something like this, or the teacher like this, honestly spare them the trauma.

if the bus looks like this, or the teacher like this, consider Private School

If you have run into any of the things on this list, fix it over the weekend.  Because really,  8 hours a day with people laughing at you is too much for anyone. Unless your a comedian and then you get paid. Then you can afford private school.

So go forth and enjoy the heck out of your weekend.  Hug your kids ( or pet) and live this weekend, don’t just exist because that is just so lazy.

XO

PEACH OUT